It’s never easy to think about ending a relationship, especially if you’ve been with the same person for a long time. It’s so easy to find reasons to stay with the person you’re dating, even if you know deep down that things aren’t working out.
No one wants to go through a breakup because it hurts, it takes a long time to get over it, and it can make you feel really lonely.
Every relationship has rough spots, and it’s normal to sometimes wonder if your partner is the right one for you and reevaluate how you feel.
But when you’re in the middle of things, it can be hard to see the bigger picture and know when a relationship is failing and it’s time to let go.
1. Lack of trust
One of the most important parts of any relationship is trust. Without it, two people can’t feel comfortable with each other, and the relationship won’t be stable.
At its most basic level, trust gives us a sense of safety because we know that our partner has our back and will stick by us no matter what.
It also lets us be open and honest about our thoughts and feelings because we trust our partner and don’t think they will judge, make fun of, or reject us.
Trust and commitment go hand in hand. You can only really commit to someone when you feel like you can trust them.
If one person isn’t willing to work through trust problems, it could mean that the relationship is at its end.
2. Constantly arguing
It’s not fun to fight with your partner, and while arguments are a normal part of healthy relationships, fighting all the time is not normal.
James Preece, a dating expert, told the Independent that if every conversation you have with your partner turns bad and always ends in a shouting match, it might be time to end the relationship.
“Anger and negativity are signs that you and your partner have deep-seated problems, and it could mean that things will get very bad in the future,” he says, adding that it’s best to end the relationship before things get worse. You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you do this.
Some fights are just part of being in a relationship, and they can even be good opportunities to talk about your values and grow closer.
Other fights are just bad and unhealthy, which could mean it’s time to end things.
Psychologists and relationship counselors will tell you that good communication is key to a successful relationship. And if you are arguing all the time, then chances are you are no longer communicating well!
Read more about: How to Deal with Conflict in a Relationship
3. Feeling unappreciated
There is a lot of giving and taking in relationships. And not feeling appreciated for the work and care you put into your relationship can be bad for both your self-esteem and your relationship. Knowing the signs that you’re being taken for granted can help you decide what to do with your partner.
Don’t freak out if you feel like you’re being used in your relationship.
Sometimes that feeling is caused by a misunderstanding that you and your partner can work through instead of a problem that can’t be solved.
When a partner calls you “too sensitive,” it can hurt because it sounds like they think you’re overreacting.
When someone is feeling sensitive, they often just want their feelings to be acknowledged and understood.
If you don’t, it could cause a rift or make you start filtering and hiding your feelings, which is bad for everyone.
But if your partner isn’t willing to listen to what you have to say, it might be time to end the relationship.
4. Losing interest
Most people like to flirt and go on dates with interesting people. But after the excitement of meeting someone attractive for the first time wears off, some of us feel restless and bored.
If this sounds like you, you may be someone who prefers “the chase” to a relationship. You may have even come to the conclusion that you’re not ready to settle down with anyone.
After the first spark, it’s normal for the fire to die down. Chelsea Page, DHC, LPC, M.S., a sex therapist and registered psychotherapist, says that it is very common for a person to lose interest in their partner as their relationship grows.
But if you find that you’re not interested in anyone you date, no matter how interesting they seem in the beginning of the relationship, you might be having trouble with your attachments.
5. Unfulfilled emotionally
When it comes to intimacy and closeness, romantic partners often have different ideas. Someone might think that our relationship problems would be solved if we had sex more often, while someone else might want to have deeper or more meaningful conversations and get to know each other better.
If these differences aren’t talked about, each person will start to feel like their relationship is missing something.
From the point of view of emotionally-focused therapy, you are mostly responsible for how you feel. No one can ever be fully responsible for making someone else happy.
But at the same time, no one in a relationship is ever completely to blame for how they feel. We look for relationships because we want to get help, support, and emotional satisfaction from each other.
Good relationships do involve a healthy sense of emotional dependence on and interdependence with each other.
Read more about: 5 Ways to Start Holding Yourself Accountable in Relationships
6. Overwhelming negativity
Getting out of a relationship is rarely easy, and if your partner is having trouble with their mental health, it can make things even harder.
While your motivation for breaking up may have nothing to do with your partner’s mental health, it is worth noting that those issues might have an impact on their well-being.
People frequently hesitate to quit a relationship when their partner is vulnerable.
A negative partner can devastate any relationship. When you are in a relationship with someone who is constantly negative, it can have a severe impact on your mental health.
It can be tiring to be around someone who is always complaining. Negativity is contagious, and being around someone who is always down can quickly turn a good mood bad.
If a person confronts a negative partner in the heat of the moment and without any compassion, things could get bad very quickly. When pointing out a mistake in someone’s behavior, timing and approach are the most important things.
7. A lack of effort
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you’ve probably heard the phrase “honeymoon phase” at some point.
In short, the honeymoon phase is the first part of a relationship when both people are crazy about each other and want to spend all their time together.
But it’s too bad that it doesn’t last forever. Real life comes after the honeymoon phase. Sometimes it’s said that real life is even better than the honeymoon phase, but it can make you and bae less passionate.
But there’s a difference between coming out of the honeymoon phase and showing signs that you’re not putting enough effort into your relationship.
People often like everything about a relationship but don’t want it to go any further.
They like going on dates, going out, going on vacations, and being romantic. If he’s not putting as much effort into the relationship, it could be because he doesn’t want to commit.
They don’t want to settle down or like anything that will tie them to one person. That’s why it’s important to talk when you first start dating someone.
So, you can see if the values of your potential partner are the same as yours.
8. Common goals or values
When you and your partner have different ideas about the future, it can make your heart beat faster. It makes you wonder about everything.
It can make you wonder if you’re really meant to be in each other’s lives.
In a relationship, it’s important to remember that having different goals or values is not always a problem.
But it’s important for both partners to talk openly and honestly about their goals and values and try to find a way for the relationship to work for both of them.
What do you do if you and your partner always fight about the same thing, but you really want different things?
Having different goals in life can cause fights and make you wonder if the relationship will even work.
If one partner is unhappy with his or her own life, it will eventually affect the relationship and even the other person.
9. Feeling trapped
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and feel like you’ve hit a wall and aren’t getting anywhere, you’re not alone.
Even if you don’t like your current relationship, it can be hard to leave, which can make you feel trapped.
Realistically, you can either try to move on or try to fix the problems in the relationship that are making you feel this way.
Having rules and limits put on you by your partner is one of the most obvious reasons why you might feel trapped in a relationship.
For instance, there might be curfews to make sure you don’t go out and do something you’re not supposed to.
You might not be able to hang out with your friends as much, or you might avoid doing so to avoid having to answer questions from your partner.
If you feel trapped and can’t get out, that’s not a good way to live. Sure, if you’re married and have kids, it’s different.
But even if that happens, if you’re not happy, neither will the kids. One of the biggest signs that a relationship isn’t going well is when one person feels trapped.
Read more about: 7 Ways to Find Yourself When Feeling Lost
How to end a romantic relationship mindfully?
Not every relationship between two people is meant to last forever. People change or grow apart, which is fine, but staying in a relationship that isn’t working can be dangerous to your mental health. Sometimes, it’s better for everyone if the relationship ends. Even when everything goes well, breakups can be hard and complicated.
- Be honest and clear with your partner about your feelings and why you want to end the relationship. Avoid being vague or leaving them guessing.
- Choose the right time and place to have the conversation. Make sure you have privacy and won’t be interrupted.
- Avoid blaming or criticizing your partner, instead focus on your own feelings and reasons for wanting to end the relationship.
- Be prepared for a range of emotions and reactions from your partner, and try to stay calm and composed.
- Listen to your partner’s feelings and concerns, but don’t let them convince you to stay in the relationship if you are certain it’s over.
- Avoid breaking up with your partner through text, social media, or phone call. It is important to have a face-to-face conversation.
- Be kind and respectful to your partner, and acknowledge the time and memories you shared together.
- Offer your support during the transition period and be willing to help your partner through the process.
- Remember that it’s okay to feel guilty or sad, it’s normal to feel that way and it doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong.
The most important thing to remember during a breakup is to be kind and caring. When we’re caught up in our own feelings, it’s easy to forget how the other person might feel, but it’s important not to make the whole conversation about yourself. If you show kindness and compassion, everyone’s lives will be much easier.
If you’re in this situation right now and aren’t sure if you want to keep dating this person, it’s important to remember that relationships go through many different stages.
Just because you don’t feel anything right now doesn’t mean you’ll never feel anything again.
At some point, you need to start accepting that you don’t have romantic feelings and moving on if you still don’t. Your partner deserves to be in a relationship with someone they can love. Nothing less than that will do, because they deserve a life full of happiness and love.